Her own words

In preparing for Mom’s memorial service, I began going through her papers to gain more insight into her life experiences, especially when she was younger.

I was surprised to come across a number of letters and course papers in which she captured the essence of her life beautifully.

On this Mother’s Day, I offer you these recollections by our mother, in her own words. — Jay

Patricia Collier: In Her Own Words

Prelude: Age 21 — School paper, 1959

One of the important functions of a family is to pass along what each generation has learned and used before….

A woman who happily and successfully mothers her young in their early years may forget many of her own capabilities … but it is equally important and natural for her to take up again these personal interests, as soon as she can spare the time and energy. (1; sources at end)

When the children are grown, and the mother has time to herself … she must pick up some of the unexercised faculties of her youth, discover new ones that have been quietly developing through the years, and lead an actively interesting life. (1)

Age 39-42 — Life stories for UVM counseling courses

I grew up in a small town in Vermont and loved every minute of small town life. (2) I remember a camping trip which was quite fun because I remember the sound of the surf every night before I went to sleep — I find that sound real therapy now. (3)

When I was 9 1/2, after having a mole removed from my knee, it was discovered that I had a serious type of cancer, generally uncurable. I was immediately hospitalized and went through a series of operations. … Shortly after, when it appeared that the cancer had been eliminated, I was informed by the Durfee Clinic that I was the third person in medical history to have survived this type of  cancer … I was one of the lucky ones. (2)

With 8th grade graduation … I started working in the drug store 5-6 days a week, and the difficult part [was] that I worked evenings as well as Sundays. … Finally, after 5 years of that I quit and worked at the jewelry store for a year, and that was a treat — only 5 days a week, no Sundays, and no evenings! (3)

My years through high school and college were full. I worked part-time and became involved in many activities as well. There were never any dull moments. (4)

I grew up in a home where the woman’s place was to stay at home, although it was fine to do a little part-time work if it didn’t  interfere with the caring of the family. And as I grew up, I never considered a career for myself, and my college education was just in case “I had to work to help our family,” putting my personal interests aside. (8)

When time came to decide to figure out what I would do in college the decision was made for me — secretary, teacher, or dental hygenist. I had asked to go to the Rhode Island School of Design because I had so many inclinations at that time in the field of art and design. But I was told no, and so on, to do something I really did not have my heart in. (3)

I entered college, UVM, in 1955 as a Home Economics Education major, but since I had to work as well, I was unable to take summer courses … I realized I had not accumulated enough credits for graduation that June, 1959. (4)

At the same time I met a wonderful man doing research in the Medical College. (2) [John] was so enjoyable to be with — He loved so many similar things and his kindness was a breath of fresh air so rare in my life experience. (3) We decided to get married, and I would complete my degree at a later date. I became a full-time wife and mother. (2)

Age 55 — Letters to family

Your Dad was a large man, quiet appearing, and so very thoughtful — he enjoyed sharing, being outdoors (especially in the fall), his home, and of course his children. When I first met him I immediately fell for him. We enjoyed each other and felt comfortable with each other. (5)

He was a kind, sensitive, and very understanding person! Life had been difficult for him, coming from a family with very high ideals for themselves and their two sons. … He finally found research satisfying, and used his love for music as a hobby as well as the ability to earn extra money by giving lessons. (2)

A short time after we started going together we decided to get married — your Dad really wanted a family, and desired to have a healthy family: one in which we could share and be together. (5)

After the wedding, your Dad was in seventh heaven just waiting for this baby. And Jay, you were born, the best thing for your Dad up to this point in life. He was a real Dad, taking you for stroller rides, putting you to bed, and on and on. (5)

Then I discovered I was pregnant again — and Julie arrived. Your dad couldn’t have been happier — he had his son and he had his daughter. He was radiant, and yet he worried that he might not be a good father. He was always concerned that he always communicate, no matter what. And that is what he did most of the time with you and Julie. (5)

He never failed to tuck you into bed every night (his Dad was rarely home before your Dad was in bed, and if he was home, he did not spend time with his children), and he was always doing little things with you both like little walks, errands, and etc. For me it was such a beautiful thing to watch because my Dad never did anything with me either, so I let your Dad have as much time as possible with you both. (5)

He loved his work, and it seemed that he enjoyed the research very much — his expertise was biochemistry, and I must tell you how funny it was, and we both laughed about it, when he tried to explain to me the scientific methods he was using, and etc. I must say I do understand why I did not do well in chemistry! (5)

Dad loved his home, it was his haven of security. He gave music lessons on Saturday mornings in the basement and loved every minute of it. He liked to cook and every once in a while he would work with you and Julie to cook me breakfast in bed. Those Sunday mornings were so memorable. You should have seen the kitchen when you were all done! And he loved company meals — there was much love in the table be made… (5) The years we had together had their ups and downs, but he was special. (3)

Age 39-42 — Life stories for UVM counseling courses

In the spring of 1967 my husband passed away. (6) The tragedy of his death was that a very bright young man was lost to so many of us. He had so much to offer the research fields as well as to the people around him. Frankly, I feel that although his time was short in his childrens’ lives, he deeply influenced them as well during their formative years. (2)

So, a new phase of of life started for me, that of being the total support for my family…. These first years were not too difficult financially, since Social Security covered our simple living expenses fairly well, but the personal adjustment did take time. To adjust to being alone and independent and strong was a battle. There were no adult shoulders to lean on but, I must add, the strength I did receive came from my children. Their father’s influence was strong, and it carried us through those tough times. (6) We grew together and began to understand the difficulties of so many other single parent families. (2)

I realized that the Social Security we were receiving would not always take care of us. So, I decided to go back to school and loved every minute of it. In June of 1970, I received my B.S. in Home Economics Education. (2)

After joining a local organization for single parents, which was a chance to get out once in a while, I met a widower with four children … We married in the summer of 1970 and five weeks later, his 18-year-old son … died in an automobile accident. It was quite a blow to me and my children as well as to his family. From then on the marriage went downhill, and as I look back I realize how strongly that young boy influenced the marriage. A little over a year and a half later I was served with a Court Order for a pending divorce. (2)

So, my children and I immediately made plans to move out of my husband’s house and find a job to support us…. I do know that “someone” up there was watching over us, because within one day we had found our “dream” house and five days later I had a full-time job teaching Home Economics. The children started school in Sept. near the new home and we moved into the house a week later, and we have been here ever since. (2)

In September of 1972 I became a Home Economics teacher at the Junior High School in Colchester, and was there for three years. Those years were memorable due to the many rewarding relationships which developed and have continued. It was at this time I felt I had something to offer my students in the area of understanding and guidance. (7)

During the year 1975-76, I “entered” the new Colchester High School with my students…. In the high school we started a successful Play School which was the most memorable classroom experience I had encountered up to that time. (7)

Since my student teaching … I had a dream of returning to the John F. Kennedy School in Winooski. Fortunately, this dream came true in the fall of 1976, and I am now happily continuing my employment at this fine school. The opportunity to be involved with Junior High students and incorporating our Special Education students has been a joy as well as a challenge. It will soon be fulfilled, leaving me time for me now to fulfill my own individual needs. (7)

Here we are, healthy, a lovely home, and content with our life style. It is not easy, but the satisfactions and joy we receive from each other and those around us make our life very nice! … Both children have their father’s love for music which has involved them in school music groups as well as the drama club, and in the local theater groups. They have adjusted so well to the upheavals in our lives and quite frankly, I am very proud of them. (2)

The rewards of teaching are memorable and I will always cherish the relationships I have had with my students, but the uncertainty of future requires that I look beyond my little world as a Junior High School Teacher, fulfilling as it may be most of the time, and go into new areas of study. As an undergraduate, I minored in Psychology, and it is in this area that I desire further investigation. (6)

Age 41 — Position Paper for UVM counseling courses

I believe in being fair and honest with those people I deal with daily. Compassion and understanding of others is very important to me. … (6)

I believe that, as an individual, I need my own space once in awhile in order to sort out the “jumble” of everyday life. … (6)

I believe that our task as parents is more difficult today than it’s ever been, and in order to cope as parents, we must be honest and fair with our children. This means we must keep an open line of communication at all times, and be able to hear what they are saying to us! We really do not need fancy books to tell us what to do, if only we could keep our eyes and ears open, and use common sense. … (6)

And finally I believe that, as a single parent who has had to take on many responsibilities, that I am capable of taking on any task set before me. So, for me at this stage in life, it means to look further. … (6)

The ups and downs I have encountered throughout my lifetime have made me so aware of the needs of our young people and families today, and I have found a multitude of rewards in seeing former students work and adjust under challenging circumstances. (7)

But, now, in this period of my life, more changes are necessary…. Is my discontent due to the responsibilities placed upon me over the years as a single parent and my need for a change, a rest, or is it due to the inward changes which occur during my phase of my life? … (6)

My responsibility as a single parent is now slowly being phased out…. Obviously I am very proud of  both children, but now the time comes to adjust to the fact that I will soon be alone, my daily responsibilities as a parent leaving with them. My task is giving these children the ability to go out into the world and survive, and be happy. (6)

Age 71 — Interview, American Lhasa Apso Club

My children were off to college. The house was empty….  My family dog, Charly, died and he had been gone three weeks…. I went shopping at a mall and there in the window was a little puppy dog, it looked like a little Ewok (in Star Wars) and I had no idea what the breed was. I had to ask the pet store what the breed was and how to pronounce it. I fell in love, though I did not know what I was getting into. (9)

I had no idea how smart these dogs were. It was a different breed altogether. He was a grizzle (grey/white/black). Tyler was the cutest puppy I ever saw. I bought him as a companion dog … but he was not a show dog. He had the correct build, but he had an attitude that was not breedable. (9)

My view has developed into respect for the original line, for what Lhasa Apsos are. My dogs do not look any different than the dogs from Tibet. They are more consistent in size and they are groomed…. I have developed an all-round Lhasa, one that is structurally sound, but also a temperament that makes them a family dog. They wag their tails and are friendly to strangers….

I have many favorites for different reasons…. I celebrate all of them. (9)

Sources

(1) Age 21 – Term paper Jan. 18 1958
(7) Age 39 – A need for further education – 1976
(2) Age 40 – Position paper Counseling 292 Fall 1977
(4) Age 40 – Position paper Counseling 292 Fall 1977
(6) Age 41 – Summer 1978 – Position Paper EDSS 202A
(8) Age 42 – UVM EDU 255  Independent research – Spring 1979
(3) Age 55 – Letter -January 29 1992
(5) Age 55 – Letter  to Jay – January 29 1992
(9) Age 71 – American Lhasa Apso Club Breeder Education Committee – 2008